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I wish we could go back to a simpler time when people weren’t assholes, the world was a better place and it was easier to get a date. It sounds silly I know, but I feel like lately guys (and girls) have become so self-obsessed with finding the their perfect match (in looks first and then otherwise) that they don’t seem to notice someone who is perfect for them right in front of them.

I’m not going to lie, I am most likely one of them, but I definitely don’t do it intentionally. I have always been in love with the idea of love and romance and being swept off your feet. While it was nice in the beginning, now I feel like it’s kind of biting me in the ass. I’ve got pictures in my head about who I view as the perfect person for me, but in reality is he really real? Is this good-looking man with dark hair, blue eyes, a toned but not overly build body out there? He’s also got to be funny, kind, romantic, and actually enjoys doing and trying new things. OH, and he’s got to like a few things I do, but just to keep it interesting he’s gotta be his own person too.

Living in a dream right?

I know I’m not the most outgoing person when you first get to know me, and I suck when it comes to putting myself into new situations and meeting new people. The idea of uncomfortable situations brings out my anxiety and heightens my awareness to how imperfect my imperfections are. I start to think about what I believe other people will notice about me and then my brain goes into overdrive. And with all these people out there looking for their “perfect” someone in body and mind, it brings me to the realization that I’m one of those girls who gets overlooked due to my size and the fact that I’m almost always unsure of myself – great selling point right?

Forget the fact that I’m pretty funny (or at least I think I am anyways), I’m a great friend to those who know me and to anyone I meet, I would go out of my way to help if someone asked and I know how to bake the best cookies and treats.  I’m a reader, a daydreamer, a movie buff and my favourite music can pretty much cure most of my bad moods. I’m not that close with my family but my mom is one of my best friends, and my best friend is like my sister.

Yeah, I’ve gone through some shit and life let me down a few times, but I also have a lot of fun. It’s only taken 30 years but I’m slowly starting to see that I can only be me. I may fail at a lot of stuff, but I get back up, dust off the dirt and try again.

If you are reading this and you still can’t see the real me, don’t even bother to message me. And if you do message me and I don’t respond, don’t take it to heart. The online world is a cruel place and I’m just trying to stay afloat. It’s never anything personal – unless you message me with something less than pleasant – I just don’t see myself fitting into your world. I’m one who is looking for prince charming but I’m also one who doesn’t want to lead someone on if I’m nowhere near interested. I’m one of the rare people who actually reads the profiles, so maybe say something interesting – girls actually care.

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“It’s a strange thing in life. When you’re chasing your dreams and it’s not what it seems and your heart’s on the line.”

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